Father G: Yes, my son, how long has it been since your last confession?
Man: Father, I am a virgin. I’ve never confessed.
Father G: Well, if you’re a virgin, you probably have nothing to confess.
Man: But... but... I bought something for four dollars, and I sold it to my best friend for four thousand dollars.
Father G: Extraordinary! Sounds like art.

Man: Was that a sin, Father?
Father G: Are you an artist?
Man: No.
Father G: Well, did you feel in your heart that it was an unjust profit?
Man: Oh, absolutely.
Father G: Let me ask you this. Did he try to Jew you down?
Man: No.
Father G: Well, is he rich?
Man: Yes.
Father G: Then I think you’re without guilt in this in-stance. Especially if it was art. If it was drugs, that’s an unjust profit.
Man: Okay.
Father G: Have you had any impure thoughts?
Man: Uh... I’m having one right now.
Father G: Well, get out of here, then. Not in here you don’t! You’re forgiven, so scram.