Father G: Ok, tell me what you did. Tell me your problems.
Man: Every time I go to Cologne, I drive around the dirty areas on my way to my mom’s to have dinner, and go to some cheap street hookers, and make beautiful, delicious love to them.
Father G: Mmm. Are you being safe?
Man: Of course. And then I go sit politely at my mom’s dinner table, and be a great person again.
Father G: Well, you don’t want your mom to know.
Man: Of course not.
Father G: Okay, so what have you done wrong?
Father G: No, this is a modern confessional. We’re more concerned with your business practices. These strumpets are professionals. You’re being safe. You’re paying.
Man: Oh, I’ve got a lot of sins. A lot of sins. I’m a big fan of honesty and I go naked in public, and I’ll turn down the scotch on the piazza in Venice...
Father G: That’s okay. That’s very creative.
Man: Is that creative?
Father G: Surely, you’ve done something.
Man: I know. I know! I like to share my girlfriends with friends, and use champagne bottles as funny tools.
Father G: That’s naughty. Please don’t use recyclable bottles for such purposes.
Father G: For your penance, I want you to use only half-bottles of champagne or the really little ones. The nippers.
Man: Ok. So I should take off the foil?
Father G: Yes, I want you to take off the foil, make sure everything is sanitary, and go in peace. Because we don’t want to hurt anyone. Remember Fatty Arbuckle?
Father G: He died for your sins. Get out of here, and get yourself a copy of "Hollywood Babylon".